Mommy, are you and Daddy going on a date?
Yep! We sure are!
*gasping* Without me?!?!
Yea, without you!
*sarcastic tone* Oh, because you don't love me enough?
Of course we do, crazy kid. But I have to show Daddy I love him too.
*sarcastic tone with added drama* I know, I know, you have to love Daddy more or else our whole system will crumble and fall apart! -Kennedy, age 5
What does she mean??? She means that she has been taught from early on that Daddy is Mommy's #1 person and that Mommy is Daddy's #1 person. She is very aware that they, the kids, are "#3". God first, then Mommy/Daddy, then kids.
It's a really hard concept to grasp in today's society. I see all around me where parents are in a friendship relationship with their children. They call their kids their "best friend". They put their children on a pedestal higher than their spouse. IT'S NOT RIGHT. It's not biblical. By doing this, you are doing your family, your kids, your spouse, God, and yourself a disservice.
I understand that not everyone shares my beliefs or my walk with God but I do believe that most everyone could agree that biblical principals are morally good and have shown to support a strong family unit.
Have you known families where you can tell the child is the boss? Or have you seen a kid ask his parents for something and one parent says 'no' and the other says 'well, why not?'? Or sometimes it looks like that mom who brings the kids into bed after hubby said he wanted some one-on-one time. Maybe its the dad that lets the kids watch a movie that mom said they couldn't watch. It could be Mom making plans for the kids to go to a friends house or spend the night with someone or go on a trip without asking Dad first (I've been guilty of this, oops! I have since made an effort to NOT do this). It can look like a lot of different things. The underlying similarity though is that decisions are made between a parent and the child, not decisions made between the parents FOR the child.
I could go into it more about how these kids become spoiled and entitled adults because they've always been put first so they expect everyone else to do the same for them....but I won't because that's not the point of this particular post.
The point that I'm getting to is that God gave us a guideline for our family unit to benefit us. It's not there to say "well...this is one option..."; it's saying "HERE! THIS IS THE BEST OPTION!!! This is what I've intended for you because THIS is what will bring strength and life to you!"
Being that I work better with bullet points, I'll list a few reasons below to further explain my statement.
My husband is my partner; my kids are not.
My husband will be with me long after my children are grown and have started their own families. Our relationship has to be more than just being parents. It has to be deep and firmly rooted so that when our children are gone we are not left empty. We must invest in our relationship with each other.
We become our kid's "normal".
Have you noticed someone who seemed to always be drawn to the "bad boy/girl" and then their kids grew up and seemed to be stuck in that same cycle? It becomes a cycle because it's what they're used to. It's their "normal". I want to show my kids that having Mom and Dad totally in love and completely dedicated to each other is "normal". I want them to know that when you plant your family in biblical principles that you are building your home on a solid foundation.
Divorce is NOT an option.
Ya'll, divorce is rampant in today's society. It is so easy to say 'I'm done. We're not in love. I'll start over. I'll find someone better. They're not the 'right one'.' Don't hear what I'm not saying; I'm not saying every divorce is "the easy option". I'm not saying people who divorce are bad people. I am not judging anyone else's journey. I am saying that when divorce is off the table completely, when it becomes out of the question, it forces two people to WORK together, to FIGHT FOR each other, to FIX the problem.
When you chose to stand before God, your friends and your family and vow to love each other 'until death do you part' you willingly entered into a life-long commitment with your spouse. I don't take that lightly. That commitment is important, it's valuable, and it honors God. Being in a marriage isn't about choosing the "right one" it's about becoming the right one. Its about honoring your marriage. God never gives up on us and we are commanded to love our spouse as He loves us. When you really think about that it's like....woah. My husband is commanded to love me the way that God loves the church. What greater love is there? That is an incredibly high standard to be held to! Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands.
Don't let divorce be an option. It breaks families.
Seek counseling. Never stop learning together. Love is WORK. Love is NOT A FEELING. Put each other first and always, always pray for your spouse. Love like God loves.
*None of us are perfect, Lord knows I'm not. We all make mistakes and have setbacks. We are so fortunate to be children of a Father who forgives and who already paid for our shortcomings. Do YOUR best and keep your eyes on Him. He WILL direct your path if you seek Him.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Be kind and considerate and know that I am always willing to communicate :)